where'd you stash your 'stache?

it has come to my attention (on many recent occassions from many sources) that i have a unique vocabulary. i shorten words and add endings to words sometimes that can be perceived as atypical to the masses. so for all 20 of you readers out there i have compiled a completely self-indulgent list of some of those words just so you know (because you OBVIOUSLY care). i recognize this makes me sound like a TOTAL SoCal cliche but i don’t really care.

—-

totes- short for “totally” sometimes with an added “mcgoat”. Not sure who McGoat is but he’s completely necessary if you want to express that you really really agree with something.

obvi- short for “obviously” or “obvious”. Sometimes you gotta get  a lot of information out in a short period of time and you can’t be bothered with saying the whole word.

Phenom- short for phenomenal and used to express approval. Recommended use when discussing musicals or anything theatrical. Example: did you see Sutton Foster in ‘Millie’— she was phenom!

faboosh- for definition see: http://itsfaboosh.tumblr.com/post/690628612/defining-faboosh

ish- short for ‘issue’. often used when asking a question regarding someone having a problem with something. Example: ” why are you freaking out? it’s not that serious. what’s your ish?!”

amazeballs- contrary to some, this does not literally mean amazing balls. i have yet to experience those (except for my mom’s meatless meatballs- those are in fact amazing balls).. however it does take the word “amazing” to a whole other level.

whatevs- short for “whatever.”

rihtard- pronounced like it’s spelled. can’t say retard. i work with children. can be shortened to “Rit” if necessary- (when would that ever be necessary you may ask? answer: all the time. all. the. time)

legit- short for “legitimate” and usually used when you are affirming the quality of something and/or experience. Example: went to pb bar and grill for taco tuesday. it was legit.

fersure- all one word. modified version of “for sure.” another word used for agreeing

cupcake- used as a sign of affection toward another person, usually younger. synonymous with “sweetie.” Example: aww you are such a cupcake.

ridic-short for ridiculous and much more fun to say ;-)

rockstar- another sign of affection— often used on someone who has done something awesome for you. Example: Wow, you  installed that computer wayyy before i needed it. Thanks Rockstar!

okfine- all one word. i learned this one when hanging out  in israel for a month. all the american-israelis say it instead of a simple “ok.” it means you really understand. not to be confused with saying “fine” in a frustrated way to shut the other person up.

sadpanda (all one word)- when you are bummed about something.

jajaja- haha with an exotic flare. “j” is not pronounced like “h” however- contrary to what one may think.

perf- short for perfect. why say the whole word when you get the full meaning in half the syllables?

i just put in one of those mini office fountain things (tacky? i know. free? obvi) and at first i thought it was just tacky enough to be awesome— kind of like flamingo yard “art”

…but now i realize it just makes me have to go pee…all the time.

-direct loan consolidation. you are not direct. you have taken since november and have yet to happen. you are the anti- of direct. you are inefficient and i hate you. oh and your telephone operators are all rihtards.

-having a lack of cashola. i hate you, you big hole in my bank account. you’re not neat and clutter free— you’re empty. i would like my bank account overflowing and currently you are not. this, i hate.

-split ends. you shouldn’t exist. i take superb care of my hair so you shouldn’t exist. i’m not going to cut you off because 1) who can afford a $75 hair cut and 2)cutting hair that you are trying to grow seems counter-productive.

-pre-“that time” hunger. there is no reason why i should still be hungry after 5 massive strawberries, two slices of turkey, an apple, and a large bottle of water.

-getting to work early per the request of someone only to wait around for that person to be ready to do work—- especially on my second 12 hour day. not cool.